The Beautiful, Strong and Intelligent Woman..and THAT Guy!?!

February 3rd, 2012 No Comments

[this post has nothing to do with a man's outward appearance]

Does this ever happen to you..
You meet an intelligent and beautiful woman..then you meet her husband..
and you ask, “How!?”

How does this happen?

How can intelligent, beautiful, strong, Bible-believing women get trapped into relationships with men not their equal?

It is almost understandable in ancient history and still-backward cultures today where arranged marriage is the rule. A man simply had(s) to be rich to then be the most “attractive” man in the village, regardless of how he looked or acted. But today? and here? where women have the ability to make their own choice!?! (Maybe the strong women who read this blog can help me out with the answer to this riddle in the comments?)

In 1 Samuel 25 this situation plays itself out with the “intelligent and beautiful” Abigail and her “crude and mean” husband, Nabal. She seems to have a good head on her shoulders while Nabal proves himself to be an idiot. And David is included in the mix.

  • Nabal, the jerk,  angers and offends David..
  • David vows to kill Nabal..
  • Abigail comes to the rescue..
  • she acts quickly..
  • she goes out to meet David bringing what he had requested from Nabal..
  • she humbles herself before David..
  • she calmly and persuasively re-frames the situation for David..
  • and she keeps David from sin..
    (and as an aside, she eventually marries David after her husband dies.)

Now, Abigail is not without some fault..she didn’t get it all right..but I would suggest that SHE was the bigger person in this whole story.

I’ve read some interesting thoughts on this phenomenon of “choosing to be trapped” to these men and the spiritual implication/explanation of such bad decisions. From the Enduring Word commentary I got this:

A woman may still find herself in Abigail’s pitiful plight. To such a one there is but one advice – you must stay where you are. The dissimilarity in taste and temperament does not constitute a sufficient reason for leaving your husband to drift. You must believe that God has permitted you to enter on this awful heritage, partly because this fiery ordeal was required by your character, and partly that you might act as a counteractive influence. You must stay as you are. It may be that some day your opportunity will come, as it came to Abigail. In the meantime do not allow your purer nature to be bespotted or besmeared. You can always keep the soul clean and pure. (Meyer)

May I say to you lovingly, but firmly, if such a circumstance has befallen you, that is no reason for you to invoke the law of the country to get out of the entanglement. Perhaps God knew that you needed the fiery trial to humble you and make you a testimony to your partner. The Bible says you must stay as you are. Maybe there will come to you one day, as there came to Abigail, a new opportunity; but until then, it is for you to prove the grace and power of the Lord in your heart to strengthen you and keep you pure. (Redpath)

But what do you think?

It’s obvious by David’s response to Abigail that God was at work. He thanks the Lord who he says “sent her” to him that day to keep him from a sinful course. The Bible describes her as beautiful and intelligent, yet she was bound to a jerk. She did remain with her husband until he died. It’s just a weird confusing story..relationally. God obviously used the situation and made something beautiful out of what was quite a mess.

I believe in the strong woman.
I believe there are many strong women today who are leading this community as Christ leads them.
And I believe there are many Abigails out there married to Nabals.

What’s your take?
Do you know an Abigail?

 

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The Recipe for Reconciliation..

February 2nd, 2012 2 Comments

It is so hard to forgive.

It is so hard to forgive someone.

It is so hard to forgive someone close to you.

It is so hard to forgive someone close to you who has wronged you.

It is so hard to forgive someone close to you who has wronged you and continues to wrong you.

It is so hard to forgive someone close to you who has wronged you and continues to wrong you and who you still love dearly.

This same situation is played out in 1 Samuel 24. Saul continues to chase after David. He is convinced that David is scheming against him. He is consumed with killing David. And in chapter 24 the tables turn. Through a weird twist (which is actually Saul stopping in a cave to take a poop), David, who is hiding in the poop-cave, has the opportunity to kill Saul. But instead only cuts off a small corner of Saul’s royal robe. Saul leaves the cave. David follows him out; then when Saul is some distance away, this conversation occurs:

After Saul had left the cave and gone on his way,

8 David came out and shouted after him, “My lord the king!” And when Saul looked around, David bowed low before him.
9 Then he shouted to Saul, “Why do you listen to the people who say I am trying to harm you?10 This very day you can see with your own eyes it isn’t true. For the LORD placed you at my mercy back there in the cave. Some of my men told me to kill you, but I spared you. For I said, ‘I will never harm the king—he is the LORD’s anointed one.’

11 Look, my father, at what I have in my hand. It is a piece of the hem of your robe! I cut it off, but I didn’t kill you. This proves that I am not trying to harm you and that I have not sinned against you, even though you have been hunting for me to kill me.
12 “May the LORD judge between us. Perhaps the LORD will punish you for what you are trying to do to me, but I will never harm you.13 As that old proverb says, ‘From evil people come evil deeds.’ So you can be sure I will never harm you.14 Who is the king of Israel trying to catch anyway? Should he spend his time chasing one who is as worthless as a dead dog or a single flea?

15 May the LORD therefore judge which of us is right and punish the guilty one. He is my advocate, and he will rescue me from your power!”

16 When David had finished speaking, Saul called back, “Is that really you, my son David?” Then he began to cry.17 And he said to David, “You are a better man than I am, for you have repaid me good for evil.18 Yes, you have been amazingly kind to me today, for when the LORD put me in a place where you could have killed me, you didn’t do it.19 Who else would let his enemy get away when he had him in his power? May the LORD reward you well for the kindness you have shown me today.20 And now I realize that you are surely going to be king, and that the kingdom of Israel will flourish under your rule.

It is the perfect picture of sincere reconciliation. I’ve sketched out a recipe for this kind of reconciliation below..it you leave any ingredient out..it might not work like you hope..and keep in mind..this recipe is from David’s perspective..he is the one initiating the reconciliation..and he’s the one who has been wronged..

the recipe for reconciliation

  • start with humility.. (v8 David bowed before Saul)
  • season your words with kindness.. (v9, v11, v13)
  • add plenty of mercy.. (v11 David didn’t kill Saul when given the opportunity)
  • make sure to acknowledge the other person’s perspective.. (v8, v10, v11, v13 David calls Saul “king”, “father”, “Lord”)
  • throw in BIG doses of respect for the other party even if you don’t approve of the actions.. (v14, v15 David recognizes Saul’s power)
  • whatever you do, DON’T try to “get even”.. (v15, “may the LORD judge” not David)
  • finish by speaking the truth in love.. (v15, “may the LORD judge and PUNISH the guilty one”)
  • garnish with one last bit of humility.. (remember David was bowed before Saul during this monologue, v8)

The result of this recipe is a broken man in Saul..and he reciprocates the offer of reconciliation.

Is there anyone you need to offer this kind of reconciliation too?
Try this recipe and post your results..

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A Friend Encourages..A Friend Does Not Tear Down..

February 1st, 2012 No Comments

A friend is more than a click on Facebook.

A friend encourages and reassures you..
he/she does not cause you to doubt yourself or your God-given mission.

15 One day near Horesh, David received the news that Saul was on the way to Ziph to search for him and kill him.16 Jonathan went to find David and encouraged him to stay strong in his faith in God.17 “Don’t be afraid,” Jonathan reassured him. “My father will never find you! You are going to be the king of Israel, and I will be next to you, as my father, Saul, is well aware.”18 So the two of them renewed their solemn pact before the LORD. Then Jonathan returned home, while David stayed at Horesh. (1 Samuel 23:15-18)

Shouldn’t it be NORMAL for us to be surrounded by people who encourage us AND who speak truth to us IN LOVE..

Are YOU a Jonathan?
Do you encourage and reassure your friend’s God-given mission?

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