(Today’s post by Marc Cannon)
Psalm 117 & 118
I am terribly stubborn. I can be argumentative, to the point that I outweigh truth with my opinion. I don’t particularly like asking anyone for help, for anything from anyone. I’m sure there is some deep-rooted psychological reasoning for those traits, but from what I can see, it’s due to anxiety and the lack of my own self-assuredness. Some days all of those traits seem to mesh together as one, to make for a fairly dry and unsatisfying existence. Sometimes those days turn into seasons.
As a writing contributor to The New Normal, I participate in a comprehensively overwhelming task most every week, as do the other contributors. I communicated with, through this weekly blog, hundreds of people the faults, failures and victories of my life. But I am, by nature, an introverted person. People who know me would say that’s nuts. I don’t have trouble speaking in crowds; I don’t have trouble sharing my story or vulnerabilities; I don’t have trouble giving my opinion; I don’t have a problem being the face of a group; and don’t have a problem being the life of the party; as long as I’m not the initiator. I’m not the “Don’t call me, I’ll call you” kinda guy. I don’t reach out to others well. I am not saying that trait is wrong or right…It’s been who I am since I can remember, but I will say this; it’s cost me countless opportunities, friendships and blessings. Something else it’s also cost me is a richer relationship with the Lord.
As I sort of wobbled my way through these two chapters I couldn’t help but to get road blocked at the 2 verses above 118:5&6. I’ve read them about 20 times and the term “hard pressed” kept playing over and over in my mind. I read the next verse, “What can mere mortals do to me?” … The profound weight that these two verses carry cannot be measured in a human standard. You see, I have a fear that has taken a lifetime to manifest. The one fear in subject for me is rejection, which I surmise is probably saturated into the human fabric. I also fear loss…and I fear failure. Fear, anxiety is the common term these days, is something everyone has to wrestle and it’s not something you or I can overcome from watching a Tony Robbins video.
There has been a lie perpetrated from the beginning of creation that if we’re not perfect, if we carry faults, if we aren’t relational, if we have fears we aren’t good enough. It’s also been whispered to us that our fears and our hurts are too small for Him. I have believed those lies and they’ve caused me to subject myself to a life confined in a small place, my mind.
These 2 verses plainly say: When you fear, and you will, cry out to God. Stop what you’re doing and ask Him to quench your fear…No matter what it is that paralyzed you, His peace is overpowering. Draw on the comfort that no man that walks this earth can come between you and the Father.