The New Normal

I love the stories of God’s amazing Grace!

Just this morning I sat across from a life long friend. We sat and had a cup of coffee and talked about life and all we’ve been through. As I starred at her I could see the lines on her face had many stories to tell of days gone by…some kind and some not so kind. There was a new sparkle in her eye. She told me she was grateful I never gave up on her and she was grateful God NEVER gave up on her either…

She said, “Thank you for seeing me!” It’s been an amazing 40+ years of life so far. She said, “I don’t wanna dwell in the past, but it has made me who I am today!” She continued, I remember being raped at a young age, my mother trying to commit suicide when I was 13, facing a personal bankruptcy in my life, a sister who had 4 abortions, ran away from home and was put in Jail on Christmas eve at the age of 16 and then later released only to cause further pain to my family. A brother who chose an alternative lifestyle, I remember feeling depressed and alone, Battling an eating disorder that nearly killed me at the age of 20 and caused so much heartache to my family! Drugs became an issue. I remember trying to kill myself and crying out, “Lord please remove me from my misery! I hate my life!” No blade was ever sharp enough, no pills would do me in and driving my car off the road and down an embankment just damaged the car and caused me embarrassment! I was certified to a psych ward for eating disorders which broke my parents hearts for almost 3 months. Yet, they continued to just love me despite it all!
Oddly, She appeared to always have it all together? It was funny in high school she was extremely popular, funny and sharp, everyone loved her…She wrote, composed and sang the Grad song, was the class historian and took home scholarships and bursaries to continue with post secondary education. She won awards and excelled at everything others looked up to her… Life was good or so she fooled herself as she struggled deep inside with her hidden pain and addictions.

There was one special teacher in her school who saw her…he reached out to her and he introduced her to his father a Pastor in Vancouver of a small Christian Church who changed her life in a way he will never understand! Her life began to improve with her growing love for God, a great job, new friends until she moved back home and met her then husband who was much older than her. She knew nothing about dating or men at the age of 20? That all changed one night with one bad decision.
She paused and looked at me for a moment then continued on with the story of her life. I got pregnant out of wedlock and did what every good girl did. I married him knowing it was all wrong and it was. She said, I remember suffering spousal abuse. I was thrown down the stairs when 7 months pregnant and spent 6 weeks in the hospital until I delivered my first child, my head put through a windshield and was verbally abused constantly and the list went on….it became war as I learned to retaliate with anger. I was trapped in a marriage that I was so alone in with a man who gambled, did drugs, cheated and drank, I remember Raising my beautiful children all alone because I had to escape to a new city many miles away from my support system to get away from an ex-husband who tried to have me killed with no family around to help me and wondering if I would ever make it as I struggled to finish my degree. I remember finally graduating, working and climbing the latter of success, but struggling to raise my latch key kids…They were resilient! Strong and determined to make my life as easy on me as possible…I love them so much she said with such pride. Everyday a challenge though. Still she said I continued to do all the so-called right things…I was so determined to raise them to love and fear the Lord. Christian schools, Christian Youth groups, Church, missions trips, retreats, volunteering and the list goes on… and somehow I was still spiritually starving and alone. I tried dating, but never the right one. I was following my own desires and not the will of God I realize now looking back…She said to me…I nearly died in 2 car accidents that nearly killed my kids. My youngest and I suffered a Mild Traumatic Brain Injury which creates memory loss and poor retention of information… Yet, my doctor says, we’re walking miracles as I am almost back to normal, if not better. I suffered for years as the bionic woman with Chronic pain. I had so many metal plates and surgeries to put me back together again. BUT I thank the Lord we are alive and able to make a difference! I remember all the ups and downs with my teens…some of those days were such a struggle and someday’s they continue to be for me she confessed… She asked, “why didn’t you stop believing in me?” She just starred at me across the table holding her coffee cup. I just looked at her and smiled softly…”I always knew that God was there with you and he had a bigger purpose for your life?” She sighed and said, “Hmmm… I remember when my so called Christian friends abandoned me, I was not good enough. They didn’t want to get involved. They were to righteous and some went as far as to tell me that I was going through so many terrible things because they were the circumstances of the bad choices I had made in my life?” Yet, truthfully all I ever wanted to do was make the right ones. It was hard to live in a cracked glass house. I trembled everytime someone cast a stone at me…fearing I would crumble to pieces! I did what I pray no one else will ever do she said as she choked back tears… I isolated myself from the world for years. I built walls so high to let no one in only to later learn that the ones that cared enough would tear them down! Thank you Lord.
Tell me how does a 4 year old ask to be raped? I hated the world, I hated the judgmental ones who pointed the fingers and glanced away when our eyes met without so much as a loving and kind word…They claimed to love the Lord, Yet they resembled the very opposite of the man I came to know him to be…Still I see them all around me and my heart breaks only this time I will be the friend who cares because I have been the poor, lonely, afflicted, addicted, abused, suicidal and hurt one and I see me in them and Jesus in me! I ran in the wrong direction for years as I got lofty glances from lofty people…
Then one day I had an encounter with a man and he saw me, Yes! he saw me!…He said he has always seen me! He introduced himself to my heart as ‘JESUS’… He was gentle and loving. His clothes were tattered and torn also, but his love was so warm it caused me to cry. I can’t describe that moment. I laid torn and tattered on the floor in pieces and he knelt down next to me and wiped away my tears and picked me up. He sent friends of his to help me and many others he called his TRUE friends who served him out of LOVE. They were Jesus with skin on…Such wonderful friends he had sent me. He asked them to give me a gift…It was called unconditional love and one gave me a book it was a Bible…a ‘GPS’ also known as “God’s Personal Salvation” Device. He knew it had been a while, but said if I read it, meditated on it and lived by it… He would walk with me and I with Him….It was that day my life began to change and it was the beginning of a life long process. I still had ups and downs, but I was never alone and I found such comfort and hope in that! She looked at me through tears of Joy and said, “You know?…Today I can reach out to those who are hurting because there was a time when one reached out to me. One who cared enough to show me love and compassion in my desperate time of need, This is going to be a great year and I am going to continue to Praise him in the Storms, through the good and the bad and help others like I once was myself!” Thank you JESUS!

I then stood up and warmly smiled at her and walked away from the reflection of myself in my mirror. “It was good to talk to you again my friend… I said to myself!” Have a wonderful 2010 serving the Lord! Be Blessed!

It was Amazing Grace that truly saved a wretch like me!