She is testing me.
She is testing her boundaries.
She is experimenting with what brings her pleasure..not necessarily what is best for her.
She is developing her own set of ideals about the world, about Jesus, about herself..based on my ideals, my standards, and even my rules.
I have rules for her..because I feel like I know what is best for her right now.
I have to discipline her when she steps over the boundaries.
I have to be consistent in order for it to make sense to her.
Even so, it doesn’t always make sense to her.
Sometimes I have to get her attention by saying, “Anna Beth, I am your father!!” in a very Darth Vader-esque voice.
Sometimes there is no time to completely explain all of the possible outcomes and I need her to simply trust me..because I’m her father..because she can believe that I love her and want what’s best for her.
When she disobeys..there is consequence..so that she will learn..so that she will improve..so that she will avoid hurtful moments or dangerous situations.
It breaks my heart to discipline her..I hate it..I really hate it.
She needs it though. It is for her development. It is for her future.
I have her best interest in mind.
After the discipline..I always hug her..I pick her up..I explain why..
We agree..we try to agree..we hug.
I remind her that I love her and that I am not mad at her.
No one loves her like I do..no one.
She is my child.
I love her.
I am just like Anna Beth.
Sometimes it feels like God has a bunch of rules that are nearly impossible to keep.
Sometimes I am disobedient.
Sometimes I step over the boundaries.
My Father is consistent with His rules..they never change.
When I’m out of line..He lets me know.
Sometimes He has to say, “Trey, I am your Father!!” and I have to trust that He loves me and really does want what’s best for me..even when it doesn’t make sense.
Sometimes there is discipline.
There are always consequences.
But He knows what is best for me..even when I don’t.
He is preparing me.
And He loves me..no one loves me like He does.
He reminds me that He loves me through His word..through His son.
I guess it makes all the rules and commands seem appropriate.
After all, He wants what’s best for me.
And only He knows what that is.
He is my Father.
He loves me.